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2014年10月25日 SAT香港考区SAT作文(8分)

滴答网 http://www.tigtag.com/  2014-12-04  新东方  我要评论(0)  阅读0

滴答网讯   SAT香港考区10月份essay题目的涉及领域十分传统,正是同学们熟悉且准备充分的坚持不懈类考题:When a project is not going well, is it better for people to continue what they have begun or to simply quit?但同学们不应因此而掉以轻心,本题prompt中最后一句的信息点值得我们关注:…persisting until we have salvaged something good from our efforts. 选择坚持立场的同学们要注意在自己的论证与分析中涵盖“即使结果失败,依然从所付出的努力中寻找价值”这一信息,避免关键点遗漏。

本文所选取的考场作文,作者立足于放弃角度进行讨论,最后成绩为8分。

Many people believe that no matter how badly things are going, they must persist until they save something good from efforts. While I admit persisting is a good quality, quit the area or project people are not good at is absolutely a good solution. Like Bertrand Russell has ever said, “The real saga knows to abandon things he is not good at to avoid wasting time of his other indispensible works.” In my opinion, simply quitting is a good solution.

开头:作者使用让步法开头,从坚持这一观点开始写起,但对于坚持的好处却没有进行有效展开,内容略显空洞。之后转入己方观点,引用Bertrand Russell的名言证明放弃的好处。(名人名言的使用要慎重,如果没有很契合主题的备选,不如直接对己方观点进行论证分析。)最后明确提出己方观点。

作者的开头基本有效,如果能对对方观点进行一定程度的展开和思辨,在批判性思维这一评分点上会得到更多分数。

Vincent Van Gogh can be a example which can well demonstrate my point of view. Vincent Van Gogh lived in countryside and his father was a farmer, so he always wanted to become a good farmer when he was young. However, it was hard for him to master the accurate calendar for farming, which made his failed in farming again and again. At that time, Van Gogh decided to quit, and his decision give him enough time to understand art, learn painting techniques. Finally, Van Gogh developed his own painting style, which known as “impressionism”。 Instead of copying reality as accurate as he can, Van Gogh just showed off his own feeling and intuition. The new painting style makes Van Gogh famous all over the world. If Van Gogh didn't quit from the area, farming, which he could not be adapt to, he would not have become such a great painter, so when something is not going well, simply quit can be a good idea.

第一主体段:首先从内容上,梵高放弃务农转向艺术最终成功的例子基本符合quit的概念,但不是完全契合原题。因为题目中要求的着眼点是a project,而本例中梵高追求的是某种人生目标,而非具体工作项目,较之原题有一定偏离。其次,文章的细节部分可以进一步加强,在project受阻、因此quit、又将quit转化为新的成功这些关键概念上增加更加详实的细节,丰富充实文章内容。最后,在段落结尾的分析论证部分可以讨论得更加深入。现在文章的论证思路是“如果梵高不放弃,他就不会成为如此伟大的画家”,可是为什么?最初的放弃具体给他带来了哪些好处,又是如何帮助他最终成功的?这些“why”、“how”才是我们具体应该在分析部分讨论的问题。另外,文章中有少量的语法错误,但不影响表达效果,最后分析中的虚拟语气时态使用不当,需再斟酌。

Another example can well illustrate my point of view is my brother's major choosing. My brother, Williams, always wanted to be a poet when he was only 10, because he enjoy the melodious rythem of poem. However, his parents did not allow him to learn literature, because it is hard to find job in the future. My brother then choosed to learn business. Things can not be so easy. My brother got several B in the first semester of university, and, moreover, could not be happy when he learnt business, so he decided to quit and go to learn literature. At last, he enjoyed his studying everyday in university and won lots of champion in poem composing competition. Quitting when things are not going well can bring people change to fulfill their life with working on something they really like.

第二主体段:本段问题与上一段类似。另外,这个例子在细节比例安排上有些不恰当之处。整个例子作者使用了一半篇幅来进行背景铺垫,即Williams想成为诗人但父母不同意,而下文他在学商的过程中受挫、转而从文、最终有所成就的主线故事却匆匆一笔带过,三句话写完一生,基本没有细节。例子展开不太有效,缺乏说服力。

但本段较之上段在段末的分析论证上做得更好。虽然只有简短的一句话,但是却点明了“quit可以使人把精力放在自己心之所向的工作上,进而充实了自己的生活”这个道理,体现了一定的思辨。因此,同学们可以看出,段末的分析论证是否有效并不在于是长是短,而在于是否能够抽取提炼例子中所蕴含的道理。如果不真正动脑分析,只是把总观点的类似表达翻来倒去地说,写得再长也不是有力的。

本文没有结尾

简而言之,本文的优点在于例子选择基本切题,语言叙述清晰,体现了一定的思辨与critical thinking。如果作者能够选择project类别的例子,在例子的叙述中增加solid details,进行更加深入的分析思辨,补充一个结尾段使结构更完整,这篇文章可以得到更加理想的分数。

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